"What does the chef recommend?"
"Sir, this is a mcdonalds"
if I had a dollar for every time I hit the first pole in flappy bird
when you say “bless you” to someone before they actually sneeze
there are two types of people in this world
- people i can trust to help me hide a body
- people who are the body
Hotel showers are really weird because they can range anywhere from “gently peeing on you” to “I fear for the safety of my nipples”
how do you say ‘please talk to me more i crave your company’ to someone without sounding like a creep